The Birth of Narcissism
Narcissism is one of the most trending topics that people usually talk about, especially in social media, because the internet seems to be an excellent hideout where troubled people can vent off their negative thoughts and feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, I am considered one of those troubled individuals myself, what I’m trying to address in this topic is where Narcissism comes from and, how would a person become a narcissist rather than its characteristics.
Before getting any deeper, I want to let you know that I’m no psychologist nor, a specialist and, what you’re about to read is my personal experience and perspective of narcissism and, how it did affect my physical and mental health, emotional status and, certainly my relationship with people and the world around me.
Narcissism is extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. While everyone may show occasional narcissistic behavior, true narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings. They also do not understand the effect that their behavior has on other people.
That was the definition of narcissism according to WebMD, I’m certain you’ll find similar definitions across the internet and psychological references, and in this competitive, fast-paced and, confusing era, people are being consciously and subconsciously taught to affirm and tie their self-worth to their tangible possessions and, to their tangible productivity in a sense that they must provide some sort of material value to the world, which deems them worthy of being respected and acknowledged as human-beings.
And we tend to fall for those teachings out of survival, and my guess that’s where narcissism is born, out of extremism either in kindness or cruelty.
Let’s agree that your raising as an individual doesn’t end by the time you hit puberty or, by the time you reach legal age — which is 18 years old in most of the world — nor even when you manage to live independently away from your parents’ home — respect and empathy to those who had to live with a single or no parent in their early stages of life.
So, the environment surrounding you is always raising you, teaching you and, contributing to your development — that includes the development of your ego — thus, if you are not aware of what you’re feeding your subconscious mind along the way, your personality will be shaped into a narcissistic predator, a self-sabotaging victimized prey or, a balanced conscious self-aware human-being.
An extremely kind environment, which grants a person whatever he wishes for whenever he demands it, especially when no effort nor responsibility required to obtain that grant, living too long in such environment accustoms you to have an easy life where hardships never happen and, more importantly it raises your ego so much that you become a priority and more important than anyone else thus, you start ignoring the needs of others whether sentimental or material.
Conversely an extremely cruel environment could create a monster, especially if there are no supportive individuals who would shelter you from its cold blizzard, an environment where one would feel like an outcast, an intruder or, even a misfit, constant grind and criticism from surrounding people for too long creates stress, that stress leads to perfectionism and, finally it manifests the constant need for acknowledgement and approval.
Either way you’d end up being a narcissist because, life is only yours and there is no room for the poor nor the mediocre to live or, life has hurt you so bad that you want to take revenge on it, by ignoring the whole world while at the same time constantly maintaining a fake and shiny image of heroism, which falsely represents your self-worth
I’ve faced narcissism throughout my whole life with many individuals and, unfortunately that instilled a lot of complexities into my being e.g. anxiety — manifested in overthinking, constant worrying, anticipating the worst, etc.. — and, depression — lack of interest, inability of getting entertainment from things that are normally entertaining to others and, suicidal thoughts.
Along with these mental complexities come physical complications e.g. constant fatigue, dizziness, drowsiness, digestion issues, shortness of breath and, fight-or-flight attitude and body responses — especially in difficult situations or conversations — besides, anger management problems.
In conclusion I would like to share with you this concern, which is the notion that I could be a narcissist myself rather than a victim of narcissistic abuse, that impostor feeling started when I tried to set some personal boundaries to get out from the “being a prey” state to the “balanced self-aware” one.
As I found myself less agreeable than usual and, while I was already intolerant to criticism, I’ve become even more intolerant — or perhaps because I’m being bluntly criticized in these couple of days — , the point is that I caught myself committing some of the narcissistic behaviors, which I hated from the narcissists whom I’ve faced in the past.
The potential exit from this dilemma is Dr. Jordan Peterson’s concept of virtue vs harmlessness, it says that a harmless man is not virtuous, while a man who’s capable of committing harm but consciously decides not to is virtuous, in another interview of his he stated that a person should be a monster however, he must learn to control that monster so, being a monster under self-control is better than being not a monster at all, therefore that could be the key of recovery from being a victim to a momentary predator — as a counter balance — then, finally settling down to the balance of self awareness.